Lean Into Generosity To Build Your Resilience

I’m exhausted. Are you? It has, to put it lightly, been a year. And yet, stopping at exhaustion is not an option. We must find the strength to be in contribution — to give of ourselves to those who have less, and to help the communities of which we’re a part to survive this storm. It’s by tapping into this generosity that we discover our true resilience — as individuals and as organizations.

The alternative to being generous is to identify as victims. As much as we might feel we deserve to indulge in victimhood right now, the truth is, it only perpetuates our exhaustion. Just when we think we can’t possibly have any more to give — that’s exactly the moment when giving helps us discover just how much we’re actually capable of.

That’s the moment when we find resilience.

Generosity can take many forms, and it isn’t just about our actions — it’s about our presence. It’s not just what we DO, but how we choose to BE. When we choose to give to others through our presence, it lifts us all up, and we find the energy to move forward, together. 

Generosity often means being present enough to give the other person what they really need, and not just what it’s easiest for you to give. Listening is generous. Letting go of assumptions is generous, too. So is letting go of the need to always be right. 

Remarkably, giving is a renewable resource. It increases your gratitude for all that you have, as well as your feelings of worthiness. The truth is, no matter your suffering, there’s always someone who has it worse. Grounding yourself in awareness of this fact is a powerful antidote to the paralysis of victimhood. As Eckhart Tolle wrote, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

At the digital transformation company where I serve as chief of staff, Phase2, we give employees Volunteer Time Off, or VTO, not only because we believe in creating a better world, but also because we know the power of service to buoy those who serve. 

In order to be generous, we have to put our own oxygen masks on first. Believe me, I know that finding the time or physical space to recharge may feel impossible right now, for a variety of logistical and psychological reasons. But the truth is, any one of us can find five minutes here or there to stretch, walk around the block, journal, meditate, pray, pet an animal, drink a glass of water — you name it. Maybe we can find 30 minutes, or even an hour. The math of this is simple: When you recharge your own energy, you have more of it to share with other people. 

I know that for some people, it’s tempting to lose yourself in your work right now. This can be healthy, to an extent. But workaholism — working yourself to the point of exhaustion — doesn’t ultimately serve anyone, because inevitably, the quality not only of your work, but also your presence, will suffer. It’s not heroic to suffer on purpose. Your inevitable exhaustion serves no one. 

Of course, I realize that there are healthcare workers and others for whom the pace of work is unavoidably unrelenting right now; ditto for all the parents who are struggling to do paid work while also providing 24/7 childcare, and/or while caring for relatives. And yet, I know from friends and family members in these positions that finding tiny slivers of time for self-care is possible even in these extreme situations. It’s not self-indulgent to take care of yourself; it is, in fact, a precursor to being of service.

Believe me, I know that what I’m asking of you may sound hard. As I said earlier, so many of us are suffering right now, and by no means am I suggesting that you ignore the pain that you’re in. I ask only that you not dwell in the pain, but instead, to pair it with service, and with habits (like gratitude and self-care) that power your ability to serve.

Sometimes, stories of other people’s resilience are just what I need when the allure of dwelling on my problems grows strong. For example, I think of the famous chef, José Andrés, who, in the wake of the 2010 hurricane in Haiti, rose to the occasion to feed that country’s people. His charity, World Central Kitchen, was born, and now they’re on the scene at disaster sites around the world—including here in the U.S., during the pandemic—to provide food to those who need it most. “What we’ve been able to do,” he said in an interview in TIME earlier this year, “is weaponize empathy. Without empathy, nothing works.”

Let’s embrace his example. 

Let’s let our empathy fuel our resilience.

Let’s BE the change.